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Coaching Kids

Youth Baseball Coaching 101 Philosophy, 18 Mistakes To Avoid, & How To Coach Your Son | 8u, 10u, 12u, Middle & High School Cheat Sheet 2022

Learn a solid youth baseball coaching 101 philosophy, 18 mistakes to avoid, and how to coach your son or daughter.  These principles work for 8u, 10u, 12u, middle and high school players.  They also work for softball players…

Coaching Kids Reader Question: “How do you get your own kid to listen/trust your advice as a coach and not as a parent?”

 

Coaching Kids

My son Noah and daughter Gracen, who were 4yo and 1yo respectively, at the time of this photo.

Be comforted to know that most parents coaching kids I’ve dealt with have a “coaching kids” challenge – especially when it’s their own!  And I’m preparing to have the same challenge with mine…already have coaches lined up who will be working with them when the time comes 😉

Let me start off by saying, this post IS NOT telling you how to raise your kids.  That’s not my place.  I’m offering advice on what works for me.   In addition, I’m not a child psychologist, or any other type of professional dealing in kid behavior.  Just like with everything on this blog, try it out for yourself, if it doesn’t work, then toss it.  Always be testing.

FYI, I may use the words “coach” or “coaching”, where you could also use the word “discipline” or “parent” or “parenting”.

That being said…

Over the years, I’ve received great advice from the parents of my hitters, before I had kids, and now.  When it comes to coaching kids, below is me throwing my brain up on your tech device screen!

In this post I’ll share:

  • The 30,000-foot view tips to keep “seasons of life” into perspective,
  • 18 ways to get your own kid to listen/trust your advice as a coach and not as a parent, and
  • Some high priority books and resources to read on the subject…

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30,000-foot View Tips to Keep “Seasons of Life” into Perspective

When it comes to coaching kids, one thing to keep in mind from a 30,000-foot view…

I did a 6-week Men’s Fraternity class at my church a few years back.  The purpose of the class was to train and equip “Godly fathers”.  One thing that stuck out for me at the time, was that your perspective as a dad (or mom) MUST change with the season of life.  What does that look like?

  • Up to 12-years-old, parents are seen as coaches.  Most kids in this age range are less resistant to a parent barking orders.
  • During the psychological warfare teenage years, 13-years-old to college, parents are to be seen as a “listening” counselor.  God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason – to listen twice as much as we talk 😛  And,
  • The years following college, young adults getting into their professional lives, parents move into the “colleague” season of life.  New families, babies, etc.

Another great piece of coaching kids advice for those parents who wear both the “coach” and “parent” hat, was to have the ability to be coach on the field, but mom/dad in the car and away from the field.

One more fantastic piece of advice I received from a coach at Fresno State my Freshman year, at a time when I was so frustrated the coaches were tweaking every mechanical movement I did on the field (at least that’s how it felt to me anyway):

“You don’t need to worry when we’re coaching you.  You need to worry when we aren’t.  It means we’ve given up on you.“

Powerful.  That message changed my perspective on coaching the rest of my career at Fresno State!  Look, coaching kids is love.  Make your kids aware of that.

 

18 Ways to get your own kid to Listen/Trust your Advice as a Coach and not as a Parent

I want to preface this section with the fact, I haven’t mastered any of the following points.  That’s right, still working on them.  And I welcome the fear that this process will be a journey, and not a destination.  I’m far from being perfect.  I heard this expert’s advice on one of my wife’s favorite dating shows Love at First Sight:

“If you want to find a perfect person, then you have to be perfect yourself.” One of the frustrated men who got married on the show responded with, “But I’m not perfect”, and the expert added, “Then it looks like you get the message.” (liiight bulb)

We don’t have to be perfect as parents, we just have to be willing to learn, make mistakes, adapt, and try again.  The following list of 18 tips for coaching kids will help (especially when the kids are your own!)…

  1. Don’t overdo discipline.  Making mountains out of mole hills – pick your battles. Being consistent with rules and consequences is HUGE.  Remember Goldilocks Golden Rule…too many rules, and they’ll rebel later.  Little to no rules, and they’ll walk all over you and everyone else.  Find the sweet spot.  Without consistent rules and consequences, they won’t build the necessary mental muscles to develop self-discipline when they’re adults.
  2. Avoid overuse and burnout – playing multiple sports or being involved in multiple movement activities is key.  Variety is fun to kids, and the spice of their life.  The same thing over and over can become boring, which leads to burnout.  Bodies engaged in a variety of movements is a healthy body.  Say no to Sport Specialization early on.
  3. Make sure they’re “listening” (the VAK Model) – did you know that in less than 5-minutes, you can get a ballpark of a player’s learning style by asking them a few questions, and watching for where their eyes go? Up to left or right – visual learner.  Side to side – auditory learner.  Down to left or right, and straight ahead – kinesthetic learner (feel).  Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) calls this the VAK Model.  This comes in handy when coaching a child, they don’t look at you, and you tell them, “Look at me when I’m talking to you”…they may primarily be an auditory learner, NOT visual.
  4. Be careful tone of voice – my 5yo son is very sensitive to tone of voice (auditory learner), so I have to be careful when coaching him. I must have good reason to raise my voice during times of correction with him.  Also, tempo of words are important when raising the voice or not.  You want to strive for keeping the voice under control even when raising it.
  5. Don’t question by entrapment – asking leading questions in order to trap them isn’t very effective.  It’s condescending actually.  I’m a work in progress on this one.  Putting kids through an interrogation is a terrible idea, especially if you don’t want resentment later. The key is coming off with genuine curiosity as to why they made the mistake they did.  Remember, they’re not perfect, neither are you.  Easy on paper, hard to apply.
  6. Caution them once, then let them make the mistake (providing mistake doesn’t do extreme physical or mental harm) – ever tell your kid to not do something over and over and over and over?  Lessons are more effective when we get ‘hands on’ experience learning them ourselves.
  7. Praise them whenever they do something you want them to do – “You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar”.  Behavioral conditioning is much more effective when rewarding for positive things, rather than punishing for the negative (i.e. taking things away).  See Karen Pryor’s book Don’t Shoot The Dog in the resources below.  I take my 5yo to 7-Eleven to get his favorite candy RIGHT after school. We also award stickers for doing certain things like listening the first time, cleaning up messes at home, and being patient with his little sister when she’s hitting him!  10 stickers earn him a toy in the $10-20 range.
  8. Ask their advice, put yourself in a learning mode – genuine curiosity.  Be honest, you LOVE when others ask for your advice, and seem genuinely interested in what you have to say.  Our kids love giving THEIR advice.  Be interested in their thought process.  I find it fascinating how clever they are at their age.  Sometimes I underestimate them, and they surprise me.
  9. Patience – using guided meditation apps like Headspace or Calm can be a real help with this.  The book resources below will help too.  Extreme patience in infectious.  Kids will model their parents.  If you’re an angry person, then chances are high your kids will be too.
  10. Understand what their big WHY is – what inspires them?  What motivates them?  Are they looking for attention (need significance), love (craving connection), routine (are they overwhelmed), or variety (are they bored)?  Knowing what’s driving their bad or good behavior can be a big help in prevention or promotion in the future.
  11. Show them the book, video, etc. you’re getting your info from – show them the hitting information you’re teaching them isn’t just “your” opinion.  Show them the science, experimentation, case studies, etc.  Give them proof.  Kids are pretty intuitive.  They seem to know when something has legs or when it doesn’t.  Give them proof.  Check out this post on How to Get Hitters to Buy Into the System.
  12. Give them options to “experiment” with – instead of saying, “Do it this way, not that way”.  Give them options.  You like options, don’t you?  Remember, these human movement principles are like bumpers in the gutter lanes of a bowling alley.  I don’t care what path the ball rolls down the lane, just as long as it stays between the bumpers.  A hitter’s stride type (aka “Float”) doesn’t matter, just as long as there is one.  Let them test, and choose which they feel more comfortable with.  Check out this post on Baseball Stride Drills: A How To Guide
  13. Show them high level movement examples – humans learn best by modeling.  Before there were “hitting coaches” – yes, there was such a time – hitters figured it out by watching other high level hitters.  And yes, it’s okay when coaching kids, to teach them high level movements.  Movement is movement.  Just like you wouldn’t teach an 8yo that 2 + 2 = 5 because they’re too young to learn the truth…you wouldn’t do the same with movement.
  14. Fun – coaching kids MUST be fun. I love positively teasing the kids.  I like making things up to see if they’re listening, “Where’s the keys to the batter’s box?”, “Do you know where the box of curve balls is?” “After running past third base, you run to FOURTH base…” etc.  Keep it light, and the drills fun. Check out this post on: “TBall Drills: How To Coach Tee Ball Without Going Insane“ that may be of interest to those frustrated with coaching younger athletes.
  15. Keep expectations reasonable – “reasonable” doesn’t mean below their current ability level.  The expectations will depend on the age group.  Operating at or slightly above skill level will help players grow.  Learn to manage player frustration, know when to regress or progress a drill.
  16. Break things into small bites – make small circles at first.  The accumulation of many small circles build into a BIG circle snowball.  Focus on one movement principle at a time for a week or month, depending on the age and ability level.  Patience is your friend regardless of what decision the coach whose focus is on winning may be.
  17. Reward effort not talent – reward effort.  Reward process not performance.  “Good job!”, “You’re so smart”, and “You’re so talented” are not helpful pieces of feedback.  Coaching kids in character is best.  Remember, kids MUST learn life lessons through sports, not the other way around.
  18. Pat & Pop Method or the compliment sandwich – give the hitter 1-2 things you really like about their swing (the “Pat” on the back), before giving them the constructive criticism (the “Pop” in the mouth).  Or compliment-criticize-compliment sandwich.  You don’t like to be constantly criticized, and neither do they.  Teenagers often call this nagging.  Find the good before finding what needs to be corrected.

 

Coaching Kids Books & Resources

CLICK HERE for a post by the Positive Coaching Alliance titled, “7 Must-Read Books Of All Genres For Parents”.  Here are the books mentioned in that post, and a few others helping solve the question we started off with in this post:

Some I’ve read, and others are currently on my reading list.  This is a perfect segue to shamelessly plug my “sticky coaching” book on Amazon… 😛

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Hitting Training For Baseball & Softball Swing Trainers | Hitting Performance Lab

How-To Optimize Learning At Home

17 Little Known Ways to Optimize Learning at Home

What follows is a recommended post for my parents who jump into my online lesson program The Feedback Lab.

I’ve done a tremendous amount of research and study into the science of successful learning over the last two years, and wanted to share 17 quick down-and-dirty tips with you.

As many of you parents know, the work involved to progress a swing DOES NOT stop after the local or online lesson is over.  Many times, it’s the parent and hitter that bares more of a burden, than I do as the teacher.

So that being said, I hope this list helps.  There are also recommended book resources peppered throughout, so…

Enjoy!

 

Guiding the Rider, Motivating the Elephant, and Shaping the Path

Optimize Learning at Home: Rider, Elephant, & Path metaphor

Photo courtesy: blog.iprofs.nl

There are three important ingredients to have success in The Feedback Lab:

  1. Goals,
  2. Steps, and
  3. Reps.

“Goals” are relatively simple to uncover with young athletes using the “So What” Method.

Ask your hitter what they want to accomplish at the plate, and respond to them with “So What”. Keep responding that way until you’ve reached the root of their motivation.

“The Steps” are very important and require a certain sequence.  Like dialing a phone number in the old days…if you dialed a friend’s digits, but were one number off, you wouldn’t reach them.  Much like email addresses nowadays.

We base “The Steps” in our pattern on human movement rules that are validated by science.  Neuro Linguistic Programming calls this modeling.  The NLP, according to Wikipedia:

“Its creators, Richard Bandler and John Grinder, claim a connection between the neurological processes (“neuro”), language (“linguistic”) and behavioral patterns learned through experience (“programming”) and that these can be changed to achieve specific goals in life.”

For a quite a few of my hitting students (and parents), “The Reps” are the hard part.  Which leads me to the following analogy…

The Directing the Rider, Motivating the Elephant, and Shaping the Path analogy I borrowed from: Switch: How To Change Things When Change Is Hard, by Dan & Chip Heath.  The metaphor helps with “The Reps”.

Here’s the context:

  • Guiding the Rider (Neo-Cortex): the part of our brain that is responsible for analytics and logic.  Information has to make sense, and be presented in a way that’s comprehensible to learners.  I often refer to this as ‘sticky’ coaching.  This can also be “The Goal”.
  • Motivating the Elephant (Limbic System): emotional part of our brain.  I often describe this by asking the question, “How would you eat an elephant?”  One piece at a time.  As John Wooden says, “Seek small improvement, one day at a time…don’t seek the big improvements.” If we overwhelm the Elephant with too much ‘stuff’, then de-motivation ensues, and as a result, limited action will be taken.
  • Shaping the Path: the actual roadmap of where to go.  We could have the Rider and Elephant onboard, but if neither knows how to get to their destination, then they’re both stuck. This is “The Steps” part of the equation above.

You see, without one of these puzzle pieces, the remaining two don’t have a chance.

 

Optimize Learning at Home: 17-Point Checklist 

The Science Of Sticky Coaching book goes into more depth on the following points.  I’ve scraped the most relative 16 tips for our purposes in The Feedback Lab:

  1. Focus on Developing Better Movements.  Don’t focus on outcomes/results at first.  For instance, focus on “showing the numbers to the pitcher”, versus how much of a fiery hole the hitter can punch through the batting cage net.  Later, we’ll use ball flight outcomes to reverse engineer where the hitter is being ineffective with their mechanics.
  2. DOWNLOAD the Weekly Accountability Worksheet.  This is for tracking the training and results.  Also keeps the hitter accountable because it requires the parent or coach to sign off on training.  CLICK to Download the Excel Spreadsheet Version – for those looking to fill in online, save to their computer, and send back to the instructor via email.  CLICK to Download the PDF Version – for those looking to print out, write on, and either scan or take a camera-phone snapshot and email to the instructor.
  3. RAMP Warmup Before Training.  R.A.M.P. stands for Range of Motion, Activation, and Movement Preparation.  I have my hitters take 7-10 mins at the beginning of our session to do this exact same warm up.
  4. Stress Discipline (to build Self-Discipline).  Again, I refer back to the Rider, Elephant, and Path metaphor from above.  According to The Talent Code: Greatness Isn’t Born.  It’s Grown.  Here’s How. by author Daniel Coyle, self-discipline is twice as accurate at predicting high GPA scores than IQ is.  The more self-discipline, the better the student, and better the athlete can be. Self-discipline starts with discipline.  Making their bed as soon as the feet hit the ground in the morning, cleaning up after themselves, doing chores around the house, reading a book before bed, etc.  One of my parents creates and laminates a checklist, their kids have to get signed off (by the parent) for doing things mentioned above.
  5. “How Did that Feel?”  Get your hitters to be aware of their body positioning with each movement they perform.  They need to know how it felt to do it wrong.  And they need to know what it felt like to do it right.  Check in every five swings or so.  Or else they won’t learn to do this on there own.  Keep feedback to a minimum.  CLICK HERE for a post I did on “Giving Feedback to Hitters”.
  6. The ‘Right Way’ Sandwich.  According to John Wooden, for his players, he’d modeled the right way to do it, then the wrong way, then the right way again.  The advantage of the Reptilian (primitive-automatic) part of our brain is it does really well with pictures.  In other words, copying another person’s movements.
  7. Being Constructive with Criticism. In Tony LaRussa’s book One Last Strike, he talks about the “Pat & Pop”.  You offer the ‘pat on the back’ of what the hitter is doing great, then offer up the ‘pop in the face’ of what they will be working on.  Works great with my local and online lessons!
  8. No Hyper-Parenting ALLOWED.  Also known as “Helicopter Parenting”.  It stunts learning, according to John Medina in his book, Brain Rules For Baby: How-To Raise a Smarter and Happy Child from Zero to Five.  It can hurt a kid in three ways: 1) Extreme expectations stunt higher-level thinking, 2) Pressure can extinguish curiosity, and 3) Continual anger or disappointment becomes toxic stress.
  9. Perfecting the Fine Art of Empathy.  Just like Steven Covey says from his book The 7 Habits Of Highly Successful People, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood”.  John Medina in his book Brain Rules for Baby, said you can use this while interacting with your hitter in these two steps: 1) Describe what emotional changes you think you see, and 2) Make a guess as to where those emotional changes came from.
  10. Praise for Effort.  NOT praise for intellect.  Good praise: “You must have worked really hard!”  Bad praise: “You must be really smart” or  saying “Good job”.  I could give you studies and go on and on about why you should be praising for effort, but I’d urge you to read this article titled, “5 Reasons to Stop Saying “Good Job!”  It’s shocking actually, how two words can turn off the motivation to be self-disciplined and self-reliant.
  11. Model a Favorite Player.  Every hitter needs to experiment and tinker with their swing after a favorite player’s.  Ideal ones include: Hank Aaron, David Wright, Jose Bautista, Robinson Cano, Andrew McCutchen, Chris Davis, and Miguel Cabrera.  Have them get FatHeads of these guys, and put them all over their bedroom walls.  The deepest darkest corner of our brain responds to and remembers pictures very well!
  12. Speed & Tempo.  According to Daniel Coyle in his book The Talent Code, “It’s not how fast you can do it, but how slow you can do it correctly.”  Make the hitter slow the movement down if they can’t execute it at game speeds.  Speed and tempo play an important role in the learning process.
  13. Struggling isn’t an Option.  It’s a Biological Requirement.  Daniel Coyle said this in The Talent Code.  If a young hitter isn’t wrestling enough with a specific movement, then they never engage in the deeper learning process necessary for skill mastery.  It’s okay to be frustrated.  When you sense your hitter getting frustrated, take a break, and come back to it when they’ve cooled off.  Coyle adds these three things: 1) Fire the circuit, 2) Attend to mistakes, then 3) Fire it again.  The brain and body only learn by DOING!!
  14. Data Collection.  To transfer practice to game repetitions, the hitter has to see a lot of LIVE pitching.  Meaning, it must see a flesh and blood human throwing to them.  NO wheel machines!  Timing is everything.  Have the hitter passively (and safely) sit in on pitchers’ bullpens.  No swinging, just Floating and Falling to the Fight Position.
  15. How Many Reps Per Day?  I stopped using how many reps with my students because it tends to overwhelm the Elephant.  So I use time now.  I tell my Little Leaguers to start off with five minutes a day, with perfect reps.  Then as they get consistent with their work, we up the ante.  Set an alarm, and when it sounds, the player is done!  They should be doing their drills everyday.
  16. Focus.  Consistency.  Fun.  Remember, one movement focus at a time until you begin to see them be more proficient at repeating the movement, then add another mechanical layer.  Keep it simple (elephant)…and most importantly, stay consistent with the work, everyday (Rider).  To make it fun…one of my parents shared a  point system they use at home for productive and unproductive tasks (elephant) with their kids.  Productive tasks includes: doing homework, reading a book, or doing their prescribed hitting drill.  Unproductive tasks includes: video games, watching television, or eating McDonalds.  The key is to reward productivity with a fraction of unproductive behavior.
  17. Swing Progressions.  Dry run swings, utilizing slower tempos until the body can catch up to the brain.  I drill this usually in front of a mirror.  Then graduate to hitting off the tee, slow down or break apart the swing if necessary until hitter gets more fluent with the new movement.  Once we get about 60-70% consistent with the new movement, then progress to a moving ball, both soft toss, LIVE front toss, and/or batting practice.  Then regress if their mechanics “meltdown”.

If you have any points to add that piggy-back on how to optimize learning at home, please share them below…

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